Conflict – Don’t Run and Hide - #14
"Crocodiles are easy. They try to kill and eat you. People are harder. Sometimes they pretend to be your friend first." – Steve Irwin
Let’s face it, conflict is inevitable. It’s part of the human experience.
It’s uncomfortable. It’s messy. It’s emotionally charged. But here’s the truth: avoiding conflict is a trap, one that ultimately leads to resentment, frustration, and bigger issues down the line.
We’ve all been there wanting to keep the peace, choosing silence over discomfort, letting small things slide. But what happens when we keep ignoring those little grievances? Over time, they build up, fester, and become something much worse than if we’d just addressed them in the first place. It’s like ignoring a leak in your roof. Eventually, the whole thing will come crashing down.
So why do we avoid conflict? And more importantly, what are the costs of doing so?
The Cost of Avoiding Conflict: Resentment
Unspoken Issues Build Pressure – When we avoid conflict, we often think we’re sparing ourselves from the discomfort of a tough conversation. In reality, we’re just kicking the can down the road. Every time we choose silence over addressing an issue, we’re building pressure. Just like any pressure cooker, eventually, that lid is going to pop. The longer we wait to speak up, the more emotionally charged the issue becomes. When we finally do speak up, collateral damage is often much worse.
Resentment Grows When Ignored – Resentment is what happens when we chose to ignore the issue at hand. The truth is, ignoring conflict doesn’t make it go away, it just buries it. And resentment grows in those buried spaces. It’s easy to think that avoiding the issue today will make life easier, but all you’re really doing is storing up emotional baggage. The longer you avoid conflict, the heavier the weight becomes, until it starts poisoning your thoughts, your actions, and your relationships.
Why You Should Face Conflict Head-On
Avoiding conflict may feel like the safe choice in the short term, but here’s the hard truth: addressing it head-on is the only way to truly resolve the underlying issues and prevent resentment from taking root.
Clearing the Air Prevents Future Issues – When you tackle conflict early on, you give yourself the opportunity to clear the air before things spiral out of control. A quick, honest conversation is far easier than letting resentment build into something you can’t control. By confronting issues directly, you create a space for resolution, growth, and understanding.
Embrace Discomfort for Long-Term Peace – Conflict resolution isn’t about avoiding discomfort, it’s about stepping into it with clarity and purpose. The longer you avoid hard conversations, the worse they get. Confronting the issue doesn’t guarantee immediate peace, but it guarantees progress. The key here is to shift your mindset: discomfort now leads to peace later. The friction that feels so painful in the moment is actually what smooths out the rough edges in the long run.
The Art of Confrontation: How to Tackle Conflict Without Adding Fuel to the Fire
Be Honest, but Be Kind – When you engage in conflict, your goal shouldn’t be to “win” the conversation. It should be to resolve the issue, not escalate it. That means being honest but also being kind. Avoid accusations and don’t be passive aggressive, lay it out there factually to build consensus. Focus the tone of the conversation away from blame to understanding.
Speak Up Early – Nip it in the bud. Don’t wait for the resentment to grow. If something bothers you, address it while it’s still small. The longer you wait, the bigger the issue becomes, and the harder it is to have a productive conversation. Early confrontation is the key to maintaining peace and building stronger, more resilient relationships.
Listen to Understand, Not to Respond – The best way to defuse conflict is to listen. I’m not talking about the kind of listening where you’re just waiting for your turn to talk. If you are drafting an internal response while someone is talking, you miss the mark. I’m talking about truly hearing what the other person is saying. When you listen to understand, you not only gain clarity, but you also signal that you value their perspective. This opens the door for them to listen to you in return, and the conflict transforms into a constructive conversation.
Final Thought:
"True peace is not the absence of conflict, but the ability to handle conflict by peaceful means." – Ronald Reagan
The secret to reducing resentment isn’t in avoiding conflict, but in facing it with courage, honesty and respect. Conflict is inevitable. But unresolved conflict? That’s the real enemy. When you confront issues head-on, you don’t just resolve them, you prevent future pain, build trust, and create a foundation for deeper relationships.
So, the next time you find yourself wanting to avoid that tough conversation, remember: the peace you seek isn’t found in silence, but in resolution. It’s time to stop letting resentment build up. Address the issue, clear the air, and step into your growth.
Additional Resources and Thoughts:
Book: No Rules Rules: Netflix and the Culture of Reinvention by Reed Hastings and Erin Meyer – Buy here
Podcast: The Knowledge Project – Episode: “#224 – Bret Taylor: A Visions for AI’s Next Frontier” – Listen here
Stoicism of the Day: " We suffer more often in imagination than in reality." – Seneca
Anything left to our own devices (including conflict) tends to be worse in our imagination than when we confront it directly. Don’t fear the challenge. Face it head-on, even if it means eating the frog.